HOW IT ALL BEGAN
My name is Kendall, and I have no idea what I am doing.
I say this with the utmost confidence; when I stopped trying to pursue my dreams, I started seeing dreams come true. I was aware of my giftings and the career path that fit them; I had direction in life, a small bit of influence, friends, a boyfriend, and a plan that fit the life the Lord gave me. I was thankful for the life I had, and I was doing my best to run full force at what I thought God was calling me to. I thought I was doing it well.
However, I had just about 100% of it wrong. I was running to God, trying with every fiber in my being to know Him more. I read my Bible, I prayed, I attended church, I was active in a community of believers, and I was a “good” person.
But, my mother, my roommate, and my friends knew Jesus in a way that I didn’t. I saw the life they led, and I could tell they knew a different Jesus. The Jesus I knew couldn’t be real; it felt like a chore to sit still and spend time with him. I did it but it definitely wasn’t something I looked forward to doing, ever. It was never life-giving.
Surely, this wasn’t how He wanted us to live? I couldn’t imagine that this was all life on earth was about, but I didn’t know how to get anywhere else.
By the grace of the sweet Lord, my perspective about God completely shifted one random night in November 2011.
Talking with one of my mentors, I realized that if I wanted to know Jesus fully and wholly I had to remove what blocked me from getting there. This sounds obvious, but I was oblivious. I was holding on for dear life to a relationship that needed to go. We had created a mess of ourselves and couldn’t do anything to turn good what we made bad.
When I surrendered the relationship, I consequently surrendered every plan in life I had. Who the heck was I now that I wasn’t getting married and moving back to Alabama?
I remember going to sleep that night with two strong emotions: on one hand, complete sadness over the loss of the relationship; and on the other hand, joy, anticipation, and expectation knowing that there really was a Jesus out there that offered me more than I had ever known or experienced, and I was determined to find Him.
Four years later, I am in awe of what has become of life. I don’t know what to make of it…some days everything feels surreal. I knew there was more to life than simply existing, working to pay bills to exist some more, and then dying. That is not a life worth living, yet so many of us currently live it or have lived it.
I have found a life worth living, and I want to share the journey with you. It is too fun and unpredictable to keep to myself any longer.